Sandy’s friend Andrew said these words 

Twenty two years ago I started work with Inland Revenue.  It was there that I met Sandy, and like many others, it took me some time to work out whether she was a man or a woman.  Ultimately it didn’t matter.  Though I managed to escape the Revenue I thankfully didn’t escape Sandy, and she remained a dear friend throughout the rest of her life.  

Even in recent times she spoke of those early days, particularly the drunken night Sandy and I couldn’t understand why taxis wouldn’t take us to Balham.  It might have been less to do with alcohol and more the acid green dress and boa I was wearing but whatever it was, Sandy was laughing herself stupid. 

Sandy, along with her partner Pam, was responsible for many alcohol fuelled parties, particularly at their own Patio Club at their flat in Bedford Hill.  These parties brought together all the people that they managed to collect and nurture over the years.  Despite the loss of her beloved Pam and her move to the seaside, Sandy quietly continued collecting people she loved and cared about, as evidenced by many of the people here today.  

Sandy was one of life’s great individualists and eccentrics and was made for life in Brighton and Hove.  Though sometimes maddening and frustrating, she touched the lives of many and was often there in times of need, even if only as a listener or dispenser of white wine.  I feel privileged to have been able to return the favour and be there for Sandy as her hold on life faded. 

There are of course others who owe a big thank you to Sandy, even though they never met her.  As a gay woman of her generation, Sandy embraced her sexuality, faced up to homophobia and lived life on her own terms.  She is one of the quiet heroes who made life easier for future generations of gay women and men and those who choose alternative lifestyles.  My partner Graham often referred to her as “our gay Dad”. 

How can you close such a brief tribute to a woman like Sandy?  Just after she died, one of the nurses who cared for Sandy at the hospital, told us what a wonderful lady Sandy was.  Much as it was a kind thing to say, as  Sandy herself would have said, “I ain’t no lady!”.  Better the description which one of her newer friends used.  Sandy was one of those old school dykes you see fewer of these days, a “perfect gentleman”.  That description would have made Sandy beam with pride.

Summary of Life

Born in Cardiff in 1944

Beloved daughter of Truda

Cousin of Vince, Terri, Shelagh and Anne

Went to school in East Grinstead, Sussex until she was 13 when she returned to Cardiff to finish her schooling

When Sandy came home to Cardiff in the holidays she used to tag on to my brother Vince – there was only a year between them – he was older of course.  But my brother and his friends were quite boisterous and I think in this way Sandy may have been introduced to smoking and drinking at a very early age – as she made sure that anything the boys could do – she could too – much to the horror of her mother I’m sure!  Vince was also instrumental in developing Sandy’s fear of the water – we don’t quite know what happened – but suffice it to say following a trip to the swimming pool involving Vince and Sandy and a few others – Sandy rarely frequented the water after that and I think was still receiving counselling until quite recently.  Sandy used to stay with us occasionally and used to be given a port and lemon – which was a drink I don’t think her mother would have quite approved – which of course made it all the more appealing to her in her rebellious teenage years…,

In Sandy’s early years she loved to play tennis and was very good at running – a sprinter.

Spent her ‘growing up’ years in the Air Force – where her work was mainly dealing with plotting of planes

She carried on playing tennis whilst in the Air Force (winning several tournaments) and also taught tennis for a while

Then to the Inland Revenue – where she worked for nearly 40 years - ending her career as a Revenue Executive.  Sandy really enjoyed her job and would speak with great pride at the responsibility she enjoyed and the knowledge she had built up over the years.

A happy, outgoing person who enjoyed life to the full She told me just a couple of months ago – when I asked how she felt about being diagnosed with Cancer – again – that she was ‘fine’, she was staying ’positive’ – she’d had a great life, done everything she wanted to do – no regrets.  So, when I was looking for a poem for this occasion today and I came across these words – they jumped out at me as they reminded me of Sandy, her attitude to life and the conversation we had had…its called

You can shed tears that she is gone

You can shed tears that she is gone.

Or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back.

Or you can open your eyes and see all that she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you cant see her.

Or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday.

Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone

Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on

We will cherish Sandy’s memory and let it live on.

Thank you.

Retired to Hove from London 3 years ago – and has really enjoyed the life she has made for herself here – surrounded by old and new friends – stories of meetings and dinners and the ‘new’ family centred around the Babylon Lounge clearly provided for a happy and fulfilling life.

Very good to her family – especially her mother – made sure she had at least one holiday a year, and during the last few years after Uncle Bill died there was rarely an occasion when Aunty Truda wasn’t either staying with Sandy or planning to stay with Sandy.

Recent Christmases – Aunty Truda and Sandy spent recent Christmases with my eldest sister – known as Big Sis in the family – carrying on the theme of bad influences started by my Brother…  It could be said that Sandy enjoyed her wine, but on this occasion she changed to Brandy to accompany and keep up with my sister Terri.  As anyone who knows my sister Terri – either inside or outside the family will tell you – this is really not that wise.  Apparently after several hours she took a great liking to one of the dining chairs which she obviously thought was about to fall over as she hung onto it for a very long time until eventually retiring to bed and leaving the chair to be cared for by someone else! 

Kind, helpful – took great pleasure in helping other people

Always popular, always had good friends and good relationships with those close to her – a great sadness in Sandy’s life was the passing of her long time partner Pam; approx. 10 years ago, just before Pam reached her 60th birthday – she too succumbed to cancer.  Sandy has missed her terribly and rarely missed an opportunity to include Pam in her conversations.  They were together for 25 years and were very happy together – a true and enduring love for one another. 

Well travelled, but particularly liked visiting friends in Fuerteventura – where she went every year at least once

Liked all music, but her love was opera